My Drunk Kitchen
by otps-a-plenty
Summary: Reposted from the OTP Battle on tumblr. TakaKuro-Takao wants to make a pizza and Kuroko is the master of eggs. /slightly OOC/crack


It was their anniversary.

Actually, no it wasn't. Their anniversary was a few days ago, but they had just recovered from all the sex they had that day. So, today was the day they actually celebrated their anniversary.

"Tet-chan," Takao giggled, poking his partner in the stomach. "We should make a pizza."

Kuroko leaned against the kitchen counter. "I don't-," a hiccup interrupted his statement, "think that's a good idea."

Takao just grinned. For one thing, everything was better was he was drunk. But it wasn't bad, he was at this stage where his vision is a little fuzzy at the edges and he felt like he was buzzing. It seemed like everything was encased in a warm glow. It was the best type of drunk-he still has some inhibitions, no terrible hangover.

And Kuroko couldn't really hold his liquor, so he could worm some secrets out of his boyfriend.

Takao pouted. "But Tet-chan!" He complained, tugging on the bluenette's shirtsleeve.

"Why do you even want to make a pizza in the first place?" Kuroko asked, gently removing Takao's hand from his sleeve.

"Because that's the only food you should make when you're drunk!" He exclaimed, coming up with the bogus fact off the top of his head. Truthfully, he just really craved pizza, but then Kurko would just throw the phone and tell him to order it.

Kuroko seemed to consider it. "I guess we could," He said slowly, trying not to slur his words. He was taking an unusually long to think things over, probably as a result of the wine they had with dinner.

Yay!" Takao said, pecking his boyfriend on the cheek. He felt oddly giddy, even though they cook together fairly often. Almost warily, he tried to push his luck.

"Can we take a video of it?" He asked, poking Kuroko in the tummy. He got tactile when he was drunk. Takao was just lucky that Kuroko liked physical contact from him, since he just barely tolerated most people.

It wasn't that Kuroko didn't like it, it was just he wasn't used to it. Since his parents were very distant when he was younger, and moved out as soon as he was old enough to live alone, Kuroko didn't have much physical interaction. He was just wary of it. But once someone (in this case, Takao,) was able to crack open his facade, they were all over each other.

It was nice.

"Why would...would we take a video of it?" Kuroko asked, stumbling over his words. He put more weight on the counter, obviously trying not to trip over his own feet.

"So we can watch it later. It' s our anniversary celebration, so we should make a video and watch it in ten years!" Takao exclaimed, proud he made a complete sentence.

It was pretty sentimental. But kind of (really) cute. And they totally couldn't take a video of their actual celebration. Well, they couldn't share it. Which defeated the purpose of making a memorable video.

Kuroko knitted his eyebrows together. "Um, I think we can," He said. "I'll get the camera, you can get the ingre-ingredia-you can get the food," Kuroko offered, trying to pass Takao. But his feet got confused and he ended up walking straight into Takao's chest.

"SInce when did you start wearing such soft shirts, Kazu-kun?" Kuroko asked, his voice muffled by the cloth that he was trying to avoid stuffing in his mouth.

Takao laughed. "Since you started wearing mine."

Like Kuroko was presently. It was a simple white short sleeve shirt, but it was Takao's so it was special.

And really, really, adorably big on him. The hem of the shirt hung right beneath his butt, so he had forgone wearing anything underneath. It was as close as he was going to get to convincing Kuroko to do the 'naked apron' thing.

"Oh," Kuroko said simply, backing up to walk around the lumbering mass of person currently obstructing his way to the closet which held the camera and tripod.

Takao smiled quietly. He was really lucky to have such a sweetheart for a boyfriend.

"Eh, Tet-chan, what do you need to make a pizza?" Takao called, staring into the refrigerator.

Kuroko responded, "I think there's cheese? We need stuff for dough, and..uh...tomato sauce?"

"Ah, yeah. Thanks."

Takao inspected the kitchen, looking for the food he would need.

After a thorough inspection, he came up with flour, grated cheese, tomato sauce, eggs, and salt.

By the time he had gotten them all on the counter, Kuroko had finished fumbling with the wires and such and had the camera set up and rolling.

"Do you want to look up a recipe?" Takao asked.

Kuroko shook his head. "Kagami-kun taught me how to make pizza. Besides, this has eggs. I can cook anything that has eggs. I will make them my bitch."

Takao was actually surprised to hear the foul word come from his mouth. But the context of it was too hysterical to resist falling into great bouts of laughter.

Kuroko was not amused. "I am the egg master. Why are you laughing?"

Takao was doubled over, trying to catch his breathe. "Sorry, sweetheart."

Kuroko sighed. "Bowl?"

Takao complied, bringing out the bowl.

And that's when Kuroko began bullshitting his way through edible creations.

The 'dough' was kind of not dough at all.

Both of them were too drunk to care.

"One big pizza or do you want to make personal ones?" Takao asked, pulling out a pan.

"A big one!" Kuroko said loudly, in almost childlike excitement.

Takao giggled. "Okay, okay."

He poured the dough which was a strange grey/beige color onto the pan.

He poured the sauce onto the dough, but lost control of it and it ended up overflowing.

"Ah!" He screamed, putting the jar back down. Kuroko didn't mind, though.

"It's fine. It's time for the cheese now," Kuroko said, consoling Takao, who looked on the edge of tears.

"But..but the tomatoes lost their purpose! I wasted them! I..I just…" He started choking up, his smile beginning to waver.

"No tears," Kuroko ordered sternly, before softly hitting im in the stomach. "I will make you smile."

Takao sniffed. "How can I smile when my precious tomatoes are now all over the crust?" He asked, tears finally starting to drip from the corner of his eyes.

He was interrupted by a force whamming into his stomach, knocking the breath out of him.

Kuroko actually headbutted him. He had a determined face on. "No crying," he said sternly.

Takao giggled, running his fingers through the bluenette's silky locks. "You are very adorable."

"I am not adorable," He insisted, resisting the implication.

"Yes you are."

Kuroko pouted, but didn't comment further on the subject.

They took turns sprinkling the cheese on the pizza, and Takao put it in the oven.

"How long should it bake for?" He asked Kuroko, who seemed to have no further prowess beyond dominating eggs.

"Thirty minutes," He guessed. Takao set the timer.

Kuroko fluttered his eyelids, beginning to get tired, fighting a yawn.

Takao nearly melted. That bluenette was the most adorable thing ever, despite his own reservations about the title.

But since when did Takao take what Kuroko thought about himself into consideration when making his own observations?

Kuroko was hella.

"Is my baby tired?" Takao asked, running his fingers lightly under the shirt he was wearing, his large hands roaming mindlessly over his stomach.

Kuroko flinched. "No," He said. Takao pouted, reluctantly retracting his hands.

Not before he gave Kuroko's ass a quick squeeze, though.

"You're hands are cold," Kuroko complained.

Takao couldn't help it. The little guy was too cute. It should be illegal.

"I'm tired," Kuroko said, rubbing his eyes.

Takao tested the waters. "Do you want me to pick you up?" He asked hopefully.

Kuroko considered it. On one hand, that would mean that he would lose the opportunity to ascertain that he is the dominate male by his ability to stay up later than his bedtime. On the other hand, Takao already knew that Kuroko was the alpha. He could let his hard and callous facade slip for the briefest of moments and allow Takao to relish in his testosterone for the night.

But no, the hawk couldn't win out.

"I'm fine," He said.

But Takao had already entertained the idea, and collected the boy in his arms.

Kuroko was just slumping against him, his arms lazily wound around his neck, his legs wrapped around his waist.

Takao began to shift his weight back and forth, but not in a 'holy-shit-the-boat-is-rocking' way but more of a gentle rocking, like a mother lulling her child to sleep.

He began to sing softly into Kuroko's ear.

Kuroko soon succumbed to sleep and the soft melody of Takao's voice.

Takao smiled into Kuroko's hair. "Sweetheart," He whispered.

He walked out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, setting Kuroko down gently. He spent a few seconds looking at the sleeping figure, admiring him.

He was soon interrupted by the smell of burning.

"Shit!" He cursed. He must not have heard the timer go off.

For some reason, when he saw the pizza being engulfed in flames, all he could think to scream out was, "I am fire! I am death!"

Damn Shin-chan for making him watch the Hobbit movie with subtitles.

But after sufficiently grabbing the fire extinguisher and unleashing it's mighty fury on the oven, he realised that he should probably wake up Kuroko.

No, that would only cause him pain. One does not tickle a sleeping dragon.

Then he remembered the camera was still rolling.

He decided to turn it off. It might get a little boring after that whole over-temporarily-turning-into-a-dragon bit.

Not that he had many to compare it to, but Takao thought it was one of the best anniversaries ever.

Nothing was better then crap pizza and snuggling with the little heater known as Kuroko Tetsuya.

Unfortunately, neither of them remembered much it in the morning, and had no way to explain the camera, the burnt over and the uneaten and grossly colored pizza.

The recording explained it a little bit.

They decided to never drink that much alcohol without supervision again.


End file.
